Cook chow mein noodles according to package directions until just tender. Drain well and let dry slightly.
Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large skillet or wok over medium-high heat. Add noodles and spread into an even layer.
Cook without stirring until the bottom becomes lightly golden and crisp. Flip gently and crisp the other side. Remove and set aside.
Add remaining oil to the pan. Cook protein quickly until just done. Remove and set aside.
Add garlic, cabbage, and carrots. Stir-fry for 1–2 minutes until just softened.
Whisk all sauce ingredients together and pour into the pan. Bring to a quick simmer.
Return noodles and protein to the pan. Toss gently until evenly coated.
Remove from heat, drizzle with sesame oil, and garnish with green onions and bean sprouts. Serve immediately.